Somewhere between being called a bitch by a jealous ex wife and having a book thrown at my head by an 8 year old who doesn't give an eff what I said because I'm NOT his real mother, I pondered to myself- "Who the eff would ever want this life?"
Let's not forget the time one of the kids ran away from me in the middle of a thunderstorm at a busy outlet mall and the cops asked me if I had everything under control. Or the time another one of the kids told me I was a bad mother very loudly in public because I asked him to hold my toddler son's hand while we were out and about. OH and let's definitely not forget about the incident where one of the children threw an epic meltdown because I made them eat spaghetti and vegetables for dinner because I am the MOST EVIL STEPMOTHER IN ALL THE LAND!
And then there's the fact that we have to budget for child support and half of his military retirement to be taken out of our hands by TC every month (TC is the nickname we not-so-affectionately gave his ex wife. The first word is Thunder. The second word is.... well, I will let you make an educated guess, my friends). Sometimes, toward the end of the month, I don't eat very much. Not because I am not hungry. I promise you, if I could eat out for every meal at expensive restaurants like TC does, I would be a happy camper. But instead, I am eating whatever we can afford which often times isn't a well-balanced meal. Stale goldfish, a hotpocket, and water? I'm talking real 5 star quality, people. We sacrifice our own wants and needs for a selfish woman who doesn't give a damn about her kids and clearly only cares about money. I hope the next time she picks up her nightly case of beer to get drunk in the presence of her children, I know she will never think twice about what sacrifices are being made by others in order for her to have the luxury of being a deadbeat mom.
Just living the dream, ya'll. Living the dream.
Who in their right mind would ever want to be married to a man with an ex wife who puts Satan to shame? Couldn't I just find a NORMAL man with NO kids and NO bat shit crazy ex wife?
The answer is, no. I do not want to even think about life without this amazing man. I absolutely love this goofy guy from his head to his toes. All 6 feet and 3 inches of him. He is my sweetheart, my soul mate, my best friend. I couldn't help but fall in love with him from the moment I met him. He is my rock. Sometimes, I want to HIT him with a rock. But who doesn't have those moments? However rough it gets, I know he will be beside me and I will never leave his side, either. Part of choosing to love someone who has children is to accept them as your own. To "blend" together as one, big family. Blending is NOT easy. Blending hurts like hell. Blending is HARD WORK.
I found myself crying hysterically on the floor of a hot shower a few months ago. It was 10pm and the kids finally went to sleep after screaming, crying, and throwing objects at me. My own son was hysterically crying because he doesn't like confrontations. My sweetheart was at work. I kept my composure in front of the kids. I stood my ground and put my foot down. But as soon as those three were in bed, I escaped to a hot shower where I fell to the floor and cried. I cried so hard my body shook. I cried out loud, "I can't do this anymore! This isn't fair! Can't they just go back home now?". I was frustrated, my heart was broken, I was DONE. Then, I heard the voice of the man I love enter the bathroom. "I love you and I appreciate everything you do for our family". I opened the shower curtain, he handed me my towel, and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. He picked me up and brought me back to life. I remembered why I fight so hard for our family. It's because the love we share is worth everything. It's worth these trials and tribulations. We have each other to lean on and to help each other be strong.
Blending families isn't always sunshine and unicorn farts. But there are the small victories that make it all worth it. Like the time my 8 year old stepdaughter came up to me out of nowhere, hugged me, and said she loved me and she could not wait for her daddy to marry me. Or the time her twin brother told me he loved my son and was excited to have a little brother. Perhaps the fondest memory I have is when they both told their summer camp teacher that I was the best stepmother ever because I take them to the beach and teach them fun things. It's every day when my son chooses to call my love "Step Daddy" over his first name. It's the way he picks my son up from preschool without me having to ask him. It's the way he wakes up at 3:00am when my son is having a nightmare and rushes into his room to hold him and tell him it's okay and that he loves him.
I'm sure the road ahead will have even more bumps and detours. I'm pretty sure TC will continue to call me a bitch and paint me as the evil stepmom because of her own insecurities. I am positive there will be plenty more meltdowns over what I cook for dinner, because let's face it- I am NO Bobby Flay in the kitchen. There will be tears, smiles, laughs, and everything inbetween. But as long we have each other, it will be a beautiful ride down this crazy road.
